Stupid hosted databases

It’s somewhat of a throwback morning for me, hearkening to the pre-child days. I’m hung over at work, wearing the same clothes I wore last night. (I’m kidding — not a throwback to those days. Although I had amazing resiliency the day after softball games. Where was I?)

Oh yeah, I actually got in the office at around 6:25 to get some things banged out … which is pretty cool, seeing the sun rise over the Zakim bridge behind me, filled with enthusiasm and a venti 4-shot iced latte …

… and our media database won’t load. All right MediaSource, a Cision company, whose support line doesn’t open until 7 a.m. EST, you have just made Ed’s Enemy List.

A new addition to Ed’s Enemies List

You, sir, have just made the Harrison3 enemies list. How dare you attack WordPerfect like that! 20 million users can’t be wrong, Mr. Asay!

Introducing My Enemies List

(First installment in a series)

I am biting Richard Nixon’s style, so I apologize. That said, I seem to have a lot of anger. But you’ll note that, since I rarely take ownership of my anger, many of the inaugural members of my Enemies List are anonymous/nameless folk (or animated critters), except for a certain consumer technology reporter based at Washington’s top daily newspaper and WEEI’s Gerry Callahan.

•  Take a rotary; add the intersection of a major interstate and at least 4 two-lane roads, two of which are one way; and for kicks, throw a hotel and restaurant in the air rights over the interstate, and you have the needlessly complex Exit 17 off the Mass Pike in Newton. So, I guess I would like to nominate whoever designed this mess.
• The product manager at P&G who thought including three separate pull-up designs within each package of Diego(R)-branded Easy-Ups(R), each featuring a different whimsical illustration of Diego and his pal Baby Jaguar (R) on the front of the Easy-Up(R), was a good idea. Now when we get Jacob ready for bed each night (he wears pull-ups to bed at night; you got a problem with that?) he has to pick out the pair featuring a specific scene with Diego and Baby Jaguar (right now, it’s the one where they are kayaking, I believe) … so at the end of each package we end up with 7 featuring the scene where they are rock climbing, which for some reason he doesn’t want to wear.
• Baby Jaguar. To be fair, I’ve never actually seen the Diego program. But I have read two of the books related to the program, and well, he seems kind of pathetic and in constant need of rescuing.
• A certain consumer technology reporter who hates on WordPerfect.
• WEEI’s Gerry Callahan. I had forgotten how much I dislike hearing his hate-filled, gravely voice … and now he’s back following throat surgery in April and contract squabbles in August.
• Whoever decided that the basement, with its low ceilings and pipes running across said low ceilings, would make the best place to put the laundry room in our home.
• Whoever coordinates fundraising for the Southern Poverty Law Center. I think their programs are great; I think their relentless telemarketers are terrible.
• The nice people from Iowa sitting at the table next to me at Mr. Dave’s Bar in Washington during the 1996 NCAA Tournament when GW played Iowa. I drunkenly mocked them throughout GW’s big second-half bulge ("Which side of Crispix stays crispier in milk now?") only to have GW choke and blow an 18 point lead down the stretch. They were incredibly gracious (even when I had to come back to the table after the game as I had left my keys there) so much so that I still hate them 11 years later. For that matter, former GW coach Mike Jarvis for allowing that collapse to happen in the first place.